Communicating

     In most romantic relationships communication can be improved. That's what most couple sees as the problem and they think "if we were just better at communicating things would be better", and for the most part that is completely true. Being able to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner is a very powerful tool you can use to improve your relationship and keep it strong. It allows you to almost always be on the same page and leaves out the chance of the other misinterpreting what you are saying or doing. Plus if you are a good communicator it's not only going to help you in your romantic relationship but also all other relationships in your life. What I think personally, if you are good at communicating and you listen to others in the work place you are going to be promoted fast and be very successful in the work place. If you are somewhat competent in your job and you are able to the listen and express empathy and communicate well to others that's all you need  to go to the top, but I digress. 

    The way we communicate is actually quite interesting because there are 3 components of it. The first is using words, second is the tone of our voice, and third is nonverbal (things like body language).  Now when conveying a message those 3 aspects only convey a certain percentage of the message perceived. Your words convey 14% of the message, your tone conveys 35% of the message and body language conveys 51% of the language.  Using this information you could probably come up with a reason of why texting is not the best way for talking to someone. It's because you only convey 14% of the message and then the rest is un to being interpreted to the other, which doesn't go well sometimes. For example there was a story in class of this engaged couple texting each other in the morning. The girl texting the guy in the morning, just following up on him because he wasn't feeling well or something the previous night and the guy responded with "ok.". The period at the end of the ok sent the girl over the edge because he had never sent her a period at the end of a text before. So that one dot meant so much to her, because she interpreted it differently than what it actually meant, that she actually broke off the engagement. What actually happened was the guy was in a hurry and just went into his class and all he could do was shoot her a quick text before his attention was needed elsewhere. Texting is not a very good way of communicating because people read into it a lot and you can’t hear their tone or see their body language so you can only rely on the words which aren't that reliable.

    Effective ways of communicating require 3 things, empathy, assertiveness, and respect. Having the ability to feel what the other is feeling, communicating your opinion or another's in a positive way, and holding another in a high regard is good to necessary to have a safe environment where you feel like you can communicate openly. In difficult scenarios where tempers are high or you have a bad history with conflict and there is some contempt there are some methods you can use to improve the outcome.

    First try to find the truth in what the other is saying. If they say "you're so arrogant, this is your fault!", ask yourself if you caused that thing to happen. Find the nuggets of truth and then then acknowledge and say something like "yea I was responsible for this, I'm sorry". Being open instead of being defensive about is the best way to go about things even though I know that can be difficult. Put more simply, try to put yourself in their shoes.

    Another technique to help is to paraphrase what the other is saying. You do this to make sure you know what they are saying, and it allows you to be on the same page. You don't want to misunderstand what they are saying because if you do that can make the situation worse, and it shows that you are listening

    Use humor to defuse situations.

    Don't use sarcasm.

    Avoid correcting someone when tempers are high or you are in front of others, it makes things worse.

    

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