Engagement and Wedding

     This week in class we talked about the 3rd and 4th step in the model to marriage. The entire process consists of dating, courtship, engagement, and the marriage. In my previous post I talked about the first two and in this blog I will talk about the second two! I'll give a quick summary of my last post. In order to get to theses last steps you have to go through courtship which is being exclusive with someone. In order to help you get to that stage you need to date instead of hanging out with people. The reasons for that is because when you are just hanging out with people you have to something special to get someone's attention. When you go on a date you no longer have to compete for people's attention because you are going out on a date with someone specific.

    One of the things I would recommend is still go to those hangouts but you go with someone specific so it's more of a date.

     When I first heard that engagement was it's whole own step I was a little surprised because I know that engagement is usually a short period in a couples relationship. Though after discussing this stage more in class I figured out that there are some important things to talk about in this stage. After you've found "the one" there is a proposal and that should be an intimate spontaneous moment not a planned one. When it's spontaneous and not planned it shows that you truly want to commit to that person and that you aren't just proposing because it's a planned event on the calendar. It shows you actually want to marry them and ready to commit yourself to them. Then when you are engaged you need to talk about expectations and keep trying. In some people's minds, once you are engaged/married you don't have to try anyone because you've secured "victory". They are now pinned down, no longer need to worry about competition, so no need to bring your effort into the relationship. That mindset is a very dangerous mindset, it can very easily lead to a break up or divorce because they are no longer with the person and personality they fell in love with. So in order to have a more successful marriage you need to talk about these type of things with your significant other. 

    So things you should talk about before you get married and while you are engaged are expectations for the future. Talk about things like money and how you are going to spend time. Talk about their connections to others and how much time they are going to spend time with other's. Would they take time to act like they aren't married (ladies night, or man's month)? Would you want them to be in the same room with the opposite gender alone? Would you want them to talk to the other gender on social media? Do you know how many kids each of them wants? There are expectations you need lay down so that you are on the same page with the other and you are okay with their choices you will make together or individually. If they aren't okay with any of this maybe they aren't ready for marriage.

    Stories to give an example. The first one is a group of married women have "ladies night" where they go dance in short skirts and see if they can get guys attention. Just act like they are single. A similar example is where a guy has "his own month" to do whatever he wants, not shave, bathe, work, or anything. Both of these examples are things you should talk about to make sure you are or aren't okay with that behavior. If they don't want to change and they probably aren't mature or ready for marriage.

    So after you're on the same page you are then ready for marriage once you have all those expectations figured out. First thing I would like to point out is marriage and the wedding are different things. Starting with the wedding, this should be planned as a couple. It shouldn't be the women and her mom planning her special princess day. It should be both the man and women working together so that they are brought closer and both enjoy the wedding. Also the wedding should not be to entertain others, that days is for the bride and groom in my opinion. You aren't celebrating your friends and throwing a party for them. That day is for the special couple not the friends and family. 

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